Skip to main content

The Secret Truth About Cheating

I was once engaged to someone I shouldn’t have been. Let’s call her Carol. We were not kind to one another. She made a point of ruining my best days. I looked down on her. It wasn’t healthy, and I’m so very grateful we did not go through with getting married.

I cheated on Carol twice, and confessed to her immediately. She made a point of dragging out the forgiveness, but it happened. I was grateful, and contrite, and tried to make things better.

What I did not know, what I wouldn’t learn until much later, was that Carol had been cheating on me long before that, and with two close friends of mine, possibly more. Including my best friend (let’s call him George).

Yup. She cheated on me for over two years with my best friend from high school. Fun.

We broke our engagement before I knew about that. I was annoyed when Carol started dating George, whom her parents far preferred to me. I was even more annoyed when she attempted to sleep with me while with him.

Then I found out about the cheating. Turns out Carol had told two other friends of mine while we were still together, as a kind of landmine for our relationship. I can only guess that she hoped they’d tell me and I would do the breaking up.

They foiled this plan by deciding not to get involved. In fact, it was only when, a year later, I started dating one of those friends that I found out. If we were going to be together, my new girlfriend didn’t want that ugly secret between us.

I wasn’t mad at her. I was mad at Carol and George, my former fiancée and my (now-former) best friend. I wrote to let them know I wanted nothing more to do with them: “Do not write, do not call, do not darken my door. I want nothing to do with you.” And for the next decade, I didn’t (though the invite to join their wedding registry was a little gross).

In the meantime, I moved to Chicago, got married (to the right person), launched a successful career as an author and actor, and had two amazing kids.

Then, out of the blue, George wrote to me. He was coming to Chicago for a weekend. Could we get together and talk?

I said yes. It was ten years past, and he sounded low. So we met at a restaurant, and he unloaded his troubles. He wanted my forgiveness, which was easy. He wanted to be friends again, which was a no go.

Then we got to the heart of things. He and Carol were getting divorced. He was shocked — shocked! — to discover that she had cheated on him!

And that’s the secret truth getting together with someone who cheats. No matter what happens, no matter how deep the feeling or how close you are, you know one thing for certain about the other person:

They cheat.

If they’re willing to cheat with you, what makes you think they won’t cheat on you?


There were cheating rumors about my wife and I before we got together. I’ve heard so many stories about our supposed wild and tempestuous affair. People talked about us making out in corners, sneaking off to have sex in a car.

I’m sure people still believe these stories. But they make me laugh and shake my head. Because it never happened.

Why not? I was certainly attracted to her. We had great rapport. So why, when we were both with other people, did we never get together?

I’d love to say I’m better than that, but I’ve already confesses to cheating on someone else. The real reason is this: our relationship was too important. We liked each other too much to sully it by cheating.

Because when you get together with someone who is cheating, you lose respect for them.

Our story is the opposite. The moment I found out she was leaving her first husband, I turned to the young lady I had just started dating. She was lovely, kind and funny. I’d just given her a key to my place. But the moment I learned Jan was leaving her husband, I ended things as honestly as I knew how. “I don’t know if anything is going to happen. I just know I need to be free right now.” Though hurt, she accepted this, and we’re still friends today.

Then I let Jan know I was free, should the time ever come that she was too.

Weeks later, she showed up at my door. It was time for us. And we’ve been certain of each other for eighteen years, because we both know for certain that we don’t cheat.

Our relationship is too important for that.


Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

What Happens When You Drink Enough Water

Tridona Bestsellers If you’re reading this: Drink a glass of water. You likely need it, as 75 percent of Americans are described as “chronically dehydrated.” While achieving a state of hydration might seem enviable and impossible, fret not because it’s doable. And the health benefits are not only encouraging, but they are also downright inspiring in the immediate short term, but especially in the long run. “Long-term hydration is the single best thing we can do to prevent chronic illness,” says Dr. Dana Cohen, an integrative medicine specialist in New York and coauthor of Quench: Beat Fatigue, Drop Weight, and Heal Your Body Through the New Science of Optimum Hydration . Though the eight-cup rule is popular, there is no one-size-fits-all number. Instead, it’s more of an individual approach. The new general rule of thumb is half your weight in ounces, according to Dr. Cohen. For example, if you weigh 120 pounds, you need to drink 60 ounces of water a day.
Post a Comment
Read more

COVID-Economics Links (April 26)

Health versus wealth: On the distributional effects of controlling a pandemic  - Jonathan Heathcote, Andrew Glover, Dirk Krueger, Víctor Ríos-Rull (VoxEU) The deflation threat from the virus will be long lasting - Gavyn Davies (FT) CBO’s Current Projections of GDP, Unemployment and Federal Deficit  - Congressional Budget Office Coronavirus Projected to Trigger Worst Economic Downturn Since 1940s - WSJ Cash in the time of corona  - Andreas Joseph, Christiane Kneer, Neeltje van Horen, Jumana Saleheen (VoxEU) Reweaving the social fabric after the crisis - Andrew Haldane (FT) German shops reopen but celebrations in Berlin muted - FT.com We need a better head start for the next pandemic  - Mehdi Shiva (VoxEU) Forecasting recoveries is difficult: Evidence from past recessions  - Zidong An, Prakash Loungani (VoxEU) Will central banks serve up fresh stimulus? - FT.com
Post a Comment
Read more

Where did the saving glut go?

I have written before about the investment dearth that took place in advanced economies at the same time that we witnessed a global saving glut as illustrated in the chart below. In particular, the 2002-2007 expansion saw lower investment rates than any of the previous two expansions. If one thinks about a simple demand/supply framework using the saving (supply) and investment (demand) curves, this means that the investment curve for these countries must have shifted inwards at the same time that world interest rates were coming down. But what about emerging markets? Emerging markets' investment did not fall during the last 10 years, to the contrary it accelerated very fast after 2000. This is more what one would expect as a reaction to the global saving glut. The additional saving must be going somewhere (saving must equal investment in the world). As interest rates are coming down, emerging markets engage in more investment (whether this is simply a move along a downward-sloppin...
Post a Comment
Read more